Marriage...

I was cleaning off a shelf today and I came across our copy of Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. I dusted it off and smiled. Kyle and I were married only 10 days when we started this study at our church. We had a really neat group of Godly couples in there that had been married varying lengths of time. I began to thumb back through the book, laughed at the notes we wrote in the margins, and really laughed when I got to the sex chapter. I mean, we were married for 10 days - how could that chapter possible apply to us?

I ran across the quote:  "As Christians, our greatest witness should be keeping our marriages together. And we're not. Our divorce rate looks no different than the world's."

Wow. How convicting is that? While I couldn't give the exact "whys" of that statistic within the church, I really wonder why our marriages are failing. I wonder if part of it has to do with the way the world sees marriage and how little regard for commitment there is. I had a very wise woman remind me once, when Kyle and I were really struggling, that marriage isn't about happiness but holiness. Huh? Say what? You mean I'm not in this marriage for what I can get out of it???

When I first gave thought to that statement, I had a lot of questions for the Lord. What then God, if I'm not happy, You still want me to stick with this? And what if I'm NEVER happy? Don't I DESERVE to be happy? What then, Lord? I'm still to stay committed to a marriage that is unhappy?

And the answer to those questions, those prayers was: YES, child! Marriage is not about happiness, but holiness. What if marriage was about an imperfect human being learning to love another imperfect human being? What if I viewed my love of my spouse and the way I treat my spouse as one of the many ways I can worship and serve God? For me, I choose to worship and honor God by the way I treat his son, my husband.

When I took those vows to love my husband -

"Will you love him, comfort and keep him, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all other remain true to him as long as you both shall live?"

These weren't just empty words that I muttered. I was serious about my commitment to him and the covenant that I made with him before God and our families.

And so I would encourage you - keep working on your marriages. Talk with your spouse, communicate needs and desires, and always remain in a constant state of prayer. And remember - marriage is not always about your personal happiness. Its about being stretched, pulled, refined, and grown. And its about commitment. So hang in there and fight the good fight!